If you read a blog I did a few days ago you will notice I called the hybrid language of bloke/girl Shimanese and its something that I have been seeing a lot of lately so I thought I would better do a blog about it. :)
A long time ago, in a far away land there was a magician. He knew what many had forgotten, that men came from Mars and Women came from Venus. That we spoke two completely different languages and that we were constantly misunderstanding each other. He wrote a book about it that almost every woman I know has read. I am yet to meet a man who has bothered. And so the miscommunication continued and they all lived happily, and mildly confused, ever after.
You see there is this idea that we need some sort of manual to understand each other. That every word that drops from a woman’s mouth is just dripping with emotional connotation and that men are just saying things because verbal communication was required and otherwise he would be in his cave sharpening sticks against the walls. It’s total bullshit. Wait! Before I get a load of John Gray groupies telling me he changed their lives, I am not saying we don’t often misunderstand each other I think we just forget, that like with other languages some people have a better knack of picking up what they have learned than others.
Now I am a woman, you can tell this from my picture, however I have often been told I have the mind of a man, the morals of a man and the ability to switch between male and female logic so quickly it made someone vomit once. I have the ability to state things in a logical, non-emotional fashion and I can say things like ‘fine’ or ‘ok’ using the word in its most basic form, meaning it has no hidden depth it simply is ‘ok’ or ‘fine’. I can however also be a diva of epic proportions when and if the mood strikes me, the bonus of having a wide vocabulary, active imagination and English degree does help.
I can speak to men on their level, I can empathise like a bastard with women and I can sit somewhere in the middle quite happily not considering it any type of super power or awesome feat on my behalf. That is until I run into someone who speaks very bad Shimanese. Very very bad.
The guy who replies to his reply of his previous reply because you didn’t reply. Think that is an excessive amount of replies? Yeah, me too.
The ones who hear ‘I am not interested’ as ‘chase me, chase me I am just playing hard to get and will give in eventually.’ The ones who think I died because I didn’t reply to a message after 20 minutes. The ones who hear ‘I am not looking for anything serious’ as ‘Aha tricked ya, I want to be married by the end of the year…Yes I know it’s August already.’ It’s like the weirdest language barrier ever. If you wandered up to a French person in Paris and said ‘je voudrais un gâteau’ they would know that despite not being French you wanted cake because you said you wanted cake. They wouldn’t point you towards an Indian restaurant thinking that is what you really meant.
Look just because you can speak a little Venusian and maybe even if you were a member of the two sets of lips club that is what you would mean if you said that, it does not mean that the Venusian stood in front of you is not talking to you in fluent Martian.